Rest Isn’t Something You Earn – It’s Something You Need

In a culture that glorifies hustle, productivity, and being constantly “on,” rest can feel like a reward you have to earn rather than a basic need you’re allowed to meet. Many of us have internalized the idea that rest is only justifiable after the to-do list is cleared, the inbox is empty, and everyone else’s needs are met. But the truth is: you don’t have to earn rest. You already deserve it, simply because you’re human. 

When we ignore the cues our bodies and minds are sending, like fatigue, irritability, brain fog, that sense of always being "on edge" we’re not proving our strength. We’re just delaying a crash and ultimately burnout. Long-term, choosing to honor your need for rest isn’t indulgent; it’s preventative. It’s how we safeguard our well-being, our creativity, and our capacity to show up for others with compassion. 

What Gets in the Way of Rest? 

Even when we know rest is important, actually practicing it can feel deeply uncomfortable.  

Here are a few reasons why it could feel that way: 

1. Trauma and Survival Patterns 

For many people who have experienced trauma, especially in childhood, being productive became a way to feel safe, valued, or in control. If you learned that being helpful, busy, or "useful" was the way to avoid criticism, abandonment, or harm, rest can feel unsafe. It might even feel like a threat to your sense of worth. 

2. Societal Norms and Grind Culture 

We live in a world that celebrates overwork. Hustle culture tells us that exhaustion is a badge of honor, and that being ambitious means being constantly busy. Capitalism and white supremacy culture have reinforced ideas that productivity equals value, and that rest must be justified. The line between being driven and being depleted can be easily blurred when success is measured by output rather than well-being. 

3. Neurodivergence and ADHD 

For those with ADHD or other forms of neurodivergence, rest can be hard to regulate. You may struggle with starting tasks, and then go into hyperfocus mode for hours, skipping meals or ignoring signs of fatigue until you crash. You may find unstructured time overwhelming or feel guilty resting if tasks are unfinished. It’s common to feel like you're either doing everything or nothing, and neither state feels restful. 
 
4. Perfectionism and Unrealistic Expectations 

Many of us feel the pressure to do everything perfectly, at 100 percent, all the time. We equate our worth with our output, and anything less than perfect can feel like failure. But it’s not human to be at full capacity in every area of life, all the time. Life is complex... grief, caregiving, chronic illness, deadlines, mental health, transitions, and unexpected challenges all require different energy from us at different times. 

When we expect ourselves to perform at a peak level no matter what’s happening, we ignore the reality that our capacity is fluid.  

So… How Do We Start Resting When It Feels Unnatural? 

Rest doesn’t always look like naps or spa days (though those are great, too). Sometimes, rest is about giving yourself permission to pause without guilt. Other times, it’s about learning to identify when you’re pushing past your own capacity. 

Here are a few practical strategies I believe help: 

Redefine What Rest Means to You 

Rest isn’t always about naps or a full night’s sleep… it goes far beyond the physical. Emotional and mental rest is just as vital for our long-term well-being. It might mean creating mental space by turning off notifications, setting clear boundaries, saying no without guilt, or permitting yourself to step away from problems that don’t need immediate solving. 

For example, I’ve set a boundary with my family, friends, and colleagues that I’ll respond respectfully, but not urgently, when something isn’t truly time sensitive. This practice doesn’t just prevent burnout... it creates space for genuine mental rest by reducing the pressure to be “always available.” 

Ask yourself: What helps my mind feel quiet? What makes my body feel safe? Now, how can you weave those kinds of rest moments into your daily life (even if you’re not physically lying down or sleeping?) 

Practice Micro-Resting 

This is especially helpful for ADHD brains or those used to push nonstop. I invite you to try short, low-effort resets throughout your day. I build in 30-minute buffers between meetings to reset and refocus. Even something small like taking the long route to pick up my kids creates space to decompress before switching roles.  
 
Here are a few more ideas for a quick reset:

• A few cycles of deep breaths with your hand on your chest 
• A walk around the block without your phone 
• Splash cold water on your face or run your hands under warm water 
• Stretch your body for one song that feels relaxing to you 
• Step outside and name 3 things you can see, hear, and feel (a grounding practice) 
• Drink a glass of water slowly, focusing only on that task 
• Set a timer for 3–5 minutes and do absolutely nothing… just sit, stare out a window, or lie down 

Use Visual or Time-Based Cues 

Timers, phone alarms, or sticky notes can help remind you to take breaks before you hit burnout. Schedule rest just like you’d schedule a meeting, because it is just as important. At RAFT we practice this by making sure we schedule a break at the 1-hour mark during long meetings and during our workshops. While we encourage each other to take breaks as needed, that scheduled break is a reminder to take care of myself before diving back into work. 

Create a “Good Enough” List 

If perfectionism keeps you stuck in the grind, try shifting from a traditional to-do list to a good enough list. Instead of beating yourself up over what you didn’t get done, at the end of the day, focus on naming 1–3 things that felt meaningful or aligned with your values. 
 
My good friend, who admittedly struggles with the balance of work/rest due to perfectionist tendencies, noticed a pattern of freezing in either go mode or rest mode. To her, it felt like all or nothing. So, she created a list of weekly tasks she knew she needed to do to keep her life comfortable. Over time, she realized how important it was to remind herself that as humans, our ability to always meet that high standard is impossible. So, as a way to be kind to herself and create balance, she adjusted her list into categories of importance and is now less critical of herself when those not-so-important tasks get moved to another day or even the next week.  

Balance Intentional Rest and Productivity 

Rest isn’t just a break from productivity… it’s a vital part of sustaining it. When rest feels foreign or you struggle with unstructured time, intentionally pairing rest with manageable, time-bound goals can help you feel more comfortable and in control. 

As someone who lives with an ADHD brain, I remember that I can trust myself to rest and still be productive by setting a goal like: “I’m going to decompress by catching up on social media for 30 minutes, and when the clock hits the top of the hour, I’ll go back to work.” This serves as a strategy for me, rather than a reward for hard work. It helps me recognize that rest is part of the rhythm and not something I have to justify later. 

Recognize and Catch Up on Rest Debt 

Sometimes we don’t realize how depleted we are until we stop. If you’ve been running on empty for a while, your body and brain may need more rest than usual to recover. Sleep researchers refer to this as "sleep debt," but it extends to emotional and physical energy too. You may feel unusually tired even when you think you’re "caught up" and that’s not laziness. That’s your system recalibrating. 

Just like you wouldn’t expect a sprained ankle to heal overnight, your nervous system needs time and care to restore itself. Recognizing that you’re in a season of catch-up allows you to respond with compassion, not shame. Your body is asking for more… not because you’ve failed, but because you’ve been carrying so much. Honor that. Make room for extra rest when your system calls for it.  

Name the Resistance

It can be surprisingly uncomfortable to stop and rest… especially when we’re used to performing, helping, or staying busy as a way to feel in control. Often, our resistance to rest isn’t about laziness; it’s about fear, shame, or internalized messages about our worth. 

When the urge to “just push through” comes up, pause and ask yourself: 

• What am I afraid will happen if I take a break? 
• Whose voice am I hearing in my head right now? 
• Is this truly urgent, or just loud? 

Supportive Resources to Explore 

• Book: “Rest Is Resistance” by Tricia Hersey (The Nap Ministry) - a powerful read that reframes rest as a form of liberation. 
• Podcast: ADHD ReWired – for tips and validation around building rhythms of rest and productivity that work for neurodivergent folks. 
• App: Insight Timer or Calm – free tools for guided body scans, breath work, or calming background sound while resting. 
• Toolkit: RAFT’s Advocate Wellness Resources – for more support on boundaries, ways to discover your core values, and even fun coloring pages to use during your rest time. 

Reflection Prompts to Try This Week 

Take a few moments to respond in a journal, a voice note, or even in a conversation with someone you trust. 

• What messages did I receive growing up about rest and productivity? 
• When do I feel most at ease in my body? What environments support that? 
• What would change if I believed I didn’t have to earn rest? 
• How does my body try to tell me I need rest, and how often do I listen? 
• What are things that I do that recharge my energy, and how often am I enjoying those things? 
• What task am I taking on that takes from my energy supply?  
  • And, if you’re feeling an imbalance – Where can I ask for help or delegate some of those tasks? 

Rest isn’t a reward… it’s a rhythm.

When we begin to honor that rhythm, we start living in a way that’s more sustainable, more aligned with our values, and more connected to our authentic selves. 

This matters even more for those doing work rooted in care and justice, because rest protects what’s most essential in that work: our ability to stay present, empathetic, and compassionate while still fighting the good fight. 

If rest feels unfamiliar, it’s because the world trained you to run on empty. You’re not broken... you’re healing. Keep going. And when you can, pause. You deserve that.