Boundary-setting in Pop Culture: Nicole’s Five Favorite “Nos” in TV

Resilience-building is all about recognizing what matters to you and then doing everything in your power to cultivate that reality.

The process involves trying and failing at things like boundary-setting and saying "no." Every time we say 'no' and give ourselves permission to make decisions that are in our best interest, we reaffirm our commitment to self-care. This practice can often be emotionally uncomfortable, but we become more confident the more we try. Sometimes our boundary-setting is less direct than "No" as a complete sentence, and we rely on flowery language to soften the sense of rejection.

Ever heard that saying, "You can't be it if you can't see it?" We are inspired by what we observe, and there's nothing more motivating to me than an excellent delivery of a boundary. I am ready to take on the whole world to get what I need when I hear someone say "No" confidently. Everyone has their own way of getting the message across. RAFT teaches a "Yes! No. Yes?" tool for saying "No" in a positive way based on our personal values. (Find it in the Discovering Your Values Workbook.) Positive phrasing or not, these are a few of my favorite examples that give us a peek into the speaker's core values.

Let these TV stars inspire you to say "no" in your unique way!

1.) American Idol

Every millennial's go-to soft no comes from Randy Jackson's famous line from American Idol:

RANDY: "It's gonna be a 'no' from me, dawg."

Classic. No explanation needed. Clear and direct.

2.) One Day at a Time

For the well-meaning offer:

Penelope from One Day at a Time, S3E5 Nip It in the Bud

DR. BERKOWITZ: "Hi, everybody. Exciting news. I got two extra tickets to the opera. Penelope, I was thinking maybe you and Mateo may want to come."
PENELOPE: "Thank you so much for the offer, but I just can’t. I’m completely swamped... with disinterest."
DR. BERKOWITZ: Are you sure? Opera-tunity only knocks once.

3.) The Office

For the "other duties as assigned" that are waaaaaaaaaaay outside the scope of your job:

Jim from The Office, S1E3 Health Care

MICHAEL: "There’s a decision that needs to be made, and I’m having an unbelievably a busy day. So I’m going to let you pick a health care plan for our office and then explain it to your co-workers."
JIM: "Gosh."
MICHAEL: "Yeah!"
JIM: "That is a great offer. Thank you. I really think I should be concentrating on sales."
MICHAEL: "Really?"
JIM: "Yeah. I just don’t think this is the kind of task that I… am going to do. You know who would be great for this?"
[Cut to Jim, talking to the camera]
JIM: "Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it."

4.) Schitt's Creek

From unwelcome date invites to unsolicited advice, this one works like a charm:

Alexis from Schitt’s Creek, S2E2 Pregnancy Test

ALEXIS: "So like, potentially, I could refund my refund request, do all my courses online, and like, never have to ever come back here again?"
COLLEGE STUDENT STAFF: "That's actually how I keep my side hustle going, part time DJ. Here's my card, in case you have any problems, or you wanna go on a date, or something.”
ALEXIS: Okay. Well, I won't be doing any of that, but thank you so much.

5a). Deadloch

Saying "Yes" to your values and "no" to any offers that conflict with them:

Miranda from Deadloch, S1E6

AUNTIE FAY: "You been holding that for an hour. You wanna put it down?"

MIRANDA: "It's just... Why does Margaret Carruthers get to decide who deserves what? She doesn't know better than us about what we need. She just knows how to jar beef fat. I know her money could help me, but the way she talked about Tammy... The thought of going to that school of hers just makes me feel... sick. And it's not just because the uniform looks like diarrhea."

AUNTIE FAY: "Bub, that sick feeling? You listen to it. That's our ancestors. That's thousands of years of wisdom telling you it ain't worth your integrity as an Aboriginal woman. No money and fancy school with a wellness centre's worth it. You don't need a leg-up from her. You got two legs. Put one foot in front of the other, and you'll make a life for yourself you can be proud of, bub."

👇 Bonus quote, because the last one didn't actually include delivery of the no. 👇

5b.) Parks & Recreation

When you gotta say no, but you really don’t want to be negative:

CEO of GRYZZL from Parks & Recreation, S6E21 Moving Up Pt 1
BEN: "I think Pawnee is a great candidate for your free wireless initiative […]."
CEO of GRYZZL: "Ben, we don't like to say the word 'no' at this company. We feel it's counter-productive to our creative mission. So instead, let me say, Nah, bro"
BEN: "How is that better?"

This is a silly example of the Yes! No. Yes? tool in action. The CEO lays out the organization’s values and delivers a creative yet clear rejection.

Boundary-setting doesn't always come as naturally as we may expect. Saying "no" sounds doable, but when we have to deliver that rejection, it can feel like an overwhelming task. So, without putting pressure on yourself, use these quotes as inspiration to say "no," in your own unique way. You might even start noticing when someone says "no" to you in a way that really works, and feel inspired to try their approach yourself. Keep trying! Every time we prioritize our needs, our ability to continue to do so grows.

You've got this!