Time to set some boundaries?

RAFT Team, June 1, 2016

{Written by Amy Dier | Director of Education & Training | Indrani’s Light Foundation

What are the different types of personal boundaries?

In our “Live A Brighter Life” workshops, the very first thing we teach is the definition and concept of boundaries. We define boundaries as follows:

“Guidelines, rules, or limits created by a person for herself that are reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to treat her, as well as how she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.”

So now that you know the textbook definition of the word “boundary,” what does it actually mean to you?  I have guidelines and limits I live by, however, it’s a daily struggle for me to actually voice these guidelines to others in my life. (I’ll talk about this in the next blog).  There are boundaries that I allow to be crossed on many levels, and the Live A Brighter Life curriculum has been incredibly helpful to help me improve the way I communicate with people, and keep the crossed boundaries at bay.

What was most helpful was to be taught and reminded of the types of boundaries most of us have:

  • PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES - pertains to personal space, bubble.
  • MENTAL BOUNDARIES - pertains to beliefs, emotion and intuition.
  • SPIRITUAL BOUNDARIES - pertains to self-esteem, sense of identity.

Those kinds of boundaries make perfect sense, and seem to be easy to work on. What I was missing was the link between the mental and emotional boundaries.  There are times where I think “Emotional Boundaries” should be a separate category. For me, I become the most vulnerable around emotions.  If I get triggered by someone’s actions, I can normally protect my physical, mental and spiritual compass. But my emotions get the best of me at times, and I get angry and completely withdraw for a period of time.

For example, if someone accuses me of something I didn’t do, or someone completely discounts me, I do not pass go ….. I do not collect $200 …. I go straight to anger and emotional jail.  I withdraw for hours, if not days. I don’t speak to the person.  And sometimes I won’t tell them they have hurt me, or that I just need some time to process what happened.  I’m trying to get better at expressing my feelings, but it’s so damn hard! This is the challenge of facing our lack of boundaries, and how we deal with keeping them clear.

What are the most challenging boundaries for YOU to manage?  I would love to know what seems to be keeping you from speaking up and voicing your limits to your friends and family.  Or maybe you are good with boundaries with strangers, but not your loved ones.  Tell us a story....

With Love & Light,

Amy Dier

(P.S. If you are interested in taking our 6-week online Live A Brighter Life at no cost, please click here for more information.  Classes start June 30th.